just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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