So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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