peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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