I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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