I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
