Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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