i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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