nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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