So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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