I am puke
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
