Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
