you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
