I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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