my mouth tastes like poor choices
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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