i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
