Pappa wants mamma naked
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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