I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
