apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
