I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so that wasnt chicken after all
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
