Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
