Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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