i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
