Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
