i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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