she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
