remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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