peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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