Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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