her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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