Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
