How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
