dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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