The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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