he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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