i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
