hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
