Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
