dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
