My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
