don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
