I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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