My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
