So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
