Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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