You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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