I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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