So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
