ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
