sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
what day is it and did you see me today?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
