i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Randomize
